This weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Cupcakes, Coffee, and Conversations event hosted by Aisha Taylor of FNPhenomenal, and AJ Williams of Single Black Chick at Motor City Java House. What an amazing way this was to kick off the weekend. As the title preludes, a group of women joined together in a cozy coffee house on Detroit's west side to bask in each other's company over sweet treats, strong coffee, and stimulating conversation of finances and relationships. Here is where I am forced out of my comfort zone. The hosts encouraged us to network with each other and get to know the women in the room and I became nervous, but not for long. I chatted it up with a young lady named Courtney and AJ, herself. We shared with each other who we are, what we do and what we were looking to get out of this event. After our conversation, we grabbed some snacks, and waited for the event to begin.
Motor City Java House set out their Jamaican Me Crazy blend of coffee, and as someone who is not a distinguished drinker of coffee, I loved it and even went back for seconds! With our stomachs content from the goodies that we'd just eaten, we sat back to hear more about the hosts and how they started their respective brands, and afterward, the girl talk ensued. There were so many gems being shared throughout the length of the event, so I jotted them down to share with you! I hope that you will find them as inspirational as I have:
It is better to crash and burn than to die a slow death.
It's simple, let it go now, than hold on and suffer.
You're not married because you're not single.
Sure, you might not be in a relationship, but you're not single. You're not whole, and you're walking around like Swiss cheese, as AJ put it. Use your singleness to work on YOU. Practice self-love (regard for one's own well-being and happiness) and become self-obsessed (excessively preoccupied with one's own life and circumstances; thinking only about oneself)! Focus on yourself, better yourself, and make yourself whole. Of course in mathematics, two halves make a whole, but that's not true in romantic chemistry. Think of being whole as being complete. Who would want someone that is incomplete?
No one wants the responsibility of your happiness.
This goes back to the last statement. When you're not whole, you're probably not happy. Imagine this: Here comes this guy that makes you happy, and seemingly that void is filled. Until he stops making you happy, or doesn't do it as often. Don't burden someone with your happiness. Get happy, get whole, then get a man!
I don't really need you, but I would like to have you.
When AJ said this, I had to write it down. Remember ladies, you are the prize, and any man would be lucky to be in a relationship with you. So don't ever let a man manipulate you by making you believe that you need him.
Before you have a relationship, have a blueprint. Be specific what your needs are, not your wants.
You can't build a house without a blueprint. Well, you could but at some point you're going to get mixed up. We all have a list of things on our list that we want as far as preferences, but we have to be real about what our needs are when it comes to a relationship, especially the top three. These are things that are potential deal breakers if they are not fulfilled within the relationship. For example, someone's top three needs may be financial stability, social compatibility, and sexual chemistry. These are the top three, and the minimum that must be met before you continue to pursue a relationship.
Don't ever tell a man what you're looking for.
I have made this mistake before...well, several times. This is not to say that all men are the same, but if you tell someone what you're looking for, what's to stop them from amplifying that trait/ability when they're around you even if it's not in their character? AJ suggests telling them, if asked, that you just want them to be themselves.
Do I already have something that fits this purpose in my wardrobe?
One of the young ladies in the audience said that she asks herself this question when she is out shopping. I love to shop, and I have to ask myself this, also. Like, how many black bags does one woman need? lol
Marriage and being in a relationship are great, but nothing compares to loving yourself.
We keep promises to other people, but break promises to ourselves.
The point that you don't need a relationship is when you're ready for one.
I am so happy that I attended this event and did not wait for anyone to go with me! The girl talk, the atmosphere, and the refreshments were just what the doctor ordered!